ponytails long nails

I hate that when I legitimately need to take a sick day (today) I really can't... I mean, I could, but. You know, also can't.
I took a bunch of cold meds and now am resting up, actually feeling a bit better. Hopefully I'll still be able to walk down to work and make it through. No, I'm sure it'll all be fine.
I  have almost no voice though so hopefully the customers don't require too much service. Or something.
Was also supposed to have a job interview this morning that I had to move because I really can't speak, let alone sell myself as a good, healthy, hard-working employeee..
sigh.



I'm done the first season of Lost. Then I took a break for a couple of days. Now I'm starting in on season 2.
It's fully taking over my life in kind of an annoying way. Fine, very annoying. And there's so many more seasons to get through!

I have to say though, if I pulled a bullet out of myself with my bare hands, I would definitely keep it as a souvenir, not just throw it in the ocean.


Also, I like it when Sawyer wears his hair in a ponytail. FINE, I HAVE A WEIRD THING FOR PONYTAILS. Or buns. Or even double-braids... sometimes.
Although, I need to qualify that by saying that people have to be ridiculously good-looking for this to work. Ridiculously goodlooking.
I'm going to Montreal where there are ponytails a plenty!
No, but really, have you ever noticed how many more pontytails there are there? Lots more!

I do feel like going to Montreal. Am trying to convince Dollface to roadtrip there with me. I haven't been in so long. Actually, I've only been once and it was a few years ago now.

Holeeee I wish I had time for a nap.

shotgun wedding

Hey so who's going to come with me tonight to this: http://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=305792141196&index=1?

Paaaaarty! Let's get hot with Chris Locke and Aaron Eves, also this is the line-up:

Scott Thompson (yesssssss, that one)

Dini Dimakos

Bobby Mair

Graham Wagner & Mike Balazo

Jon McCurley

Brian Barlow

Kathleen Phillips

Although I dreamt last night that I went to this by myself and took Ruth Buzzi but I had to leave her outside because she's was meowing too much and then I went inside and curled up on the couch and no one was there and the performers were refusing to perform and I was trying not to fall asleep and one of those guys was talking to me but I kept making loud jokes overtop of what he was saying and then I remembered that I wasn't allowed to take Ruth Buzzi out and about because she's my foster cat not my own cat and that's one of the rules, not letting her out of the house.

Aaaaaaaanyway,

red, beet red

Anyone who is a blusher knows about blushing and how it's one of the most annoying things ever. It's terrible, really! It's completely involuntary and obvious and frustrating.

The best part about my blushing is that it only happens for strange reasons:

1. I'm speaking French (I cannot speak French without blushing, I don't know why.. maybe I feel like I'm trying to do something I have no business doing and I'm about to be called out on it? Also, how am I going to live in Montreal?)

2. I'm recognized by someone while at work who knows me from somewhere else. Like if I run into past co-workers who I barely know while I'm working at ACC, I just blush forever. Or if it's someone I went to high-school with or met through friends or something, blush-city.

3. I lift my arms above my head. My mum laughed at me so hard when she first noticed this phenomenon (I was doing my hair). Thanks, mum.

4. I think someone thinks that I have a crush on them.
Notice how that is different than "I have a crush on them" no, it's only when I think that someone thinks that I am checking them out/have a crush on them. I almost never blush when I actually think someone's attractive (I'm far more likely to be rude/mean/over-friendly/standoffish). But say I'm serving a customer at work and it occurs to me that they think they are good looking (usually I don't agree) then I start to blush thinking that they assume that I also think they're good looking.
How weird is that?
I'm insane.

Anyway, so number 4 on that list has totally got me in an awkward fix at work right now. And I honestly don't know how to get out of it.

Okay I'll go through it for you:

Tim (not his real name) is a beer porter that I've worked with in a peripheral sort of way for however many years. I have never once even considered Tim. Why? Because he's just not my type. He's very nice and fairly good-looking but I've never heard him say anything particularly interesting/funny... he's great, I'm sure, just not my type.

So my friend at a stand beside mine is talking to Tim one day and she says something about me and I look up and Tim's like "oh I never really talk to her" and I'm like "yeah I guess that's true" and so he sort of wanders over to my stand and then my friend is like "aww you two would look so cute together".
Cue the blushing.
I have no interest in Tim, but being put on the spot like that is super awkward.
So then Tim hangs around for a bit after that, definitely notices that I'm blushing. Now he thinks I like him. I avoid him.

Next shift I go to check the time left on the clock and have to go a bit into the arena to see. Guess who else is on the steps, peeking in on the game? Tim!
Now it looks like I've specifically gone over there to be near him!
I excuse myself quickly and head back to the stand. I start to tell my co-workers this story and then they ask which porter (I didn't even know his name at this point, that's how little interest I've had in him) and so we're sort of looking about trying to find him, then my co-worker finds him and is like, oh is that him? and I confirm and I go back to telling my story. I neglected to notice that, of course, it looks to him like I've gone back to my stand to confide in my co-workers about how in love with him I am!!

Later I go to get food and bring my food to eat close to my stand and who happens to be nearby? TIM. Oh for christsakes, so he comes sauntering over to ask what I'm having for dinner and of course because the whole thing is so awkward i start blushing!
Classic!
I excuse myself pretty quickly and head back to my stand. Awhile later he comes by again to say something else about nothing to me and I blush again!
What the hell is wrong with me??
I'm so dumb!
I also ran into him on my way out of the building, twice! I haven't been this good at creeping on guys I actually liked!  Ugh!

Now this guy for sure thinks I'm in love with him and is on the verge of asking me out (I can tell) and how the hell do I get out of this situation?
I'm thinking I'll just try to avoid him? I don't know...
Asked advice from my co-workers but they fully will not believe that I do not have any interest in this guy. The resounding answer to my problem was to go out on a date with him!

Good thing I'm still in junior high, hey?
Thanks a lot, blush-face.

At least it's keeping me amused, I guess.

Man, I hate blushing, though. I hate it. I also hate it when people point out that you're blushing (any time you blush). Like you can't tell your own damn self.


Oh, on the note about embarrassing, awkward situations, I keep meaning to re-mention The Bitter End, I know a bunch of you have watched and love it, but if you haven't seen all of it, you really should:

The Bitter End - EPISODE 6: Business Trip from The Bitter End on Vimeo.
This is the end episode, but visit their site for the rest of them if you need to see the early ones (you do).
Poppy emailed me just to tell me how he was having a hard time watching this show because of the awkwardness. But in a good way? That sort of makes sense.
Apparently the Montreal Gazette called in the funniest Canadian sitcom of the year.
I can't think of a better one.
Also, I just can't get over how great it is that they made it all themselves and created their own work and fucking stepped up to the motherfucking plate and got 'er done. ya know?
Oh yeah, and there's babes in the show!
Reason enough, right?

I stayed up real late writing last night. I am a good worker (this once. and I had to disconnect myself from the internet in order to get anything done).

shooooooka shoooka shhhooookkka

shaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaake

anyway.

Dear, Diary, hi, how are you? I am fine. I am a bit annoyed with February already, but, hey, when have I ever been a fan of February?

Actually, I like Valentines Day a bit (I like most holidays because they involve sugar) and that's coming up. I wish Killary were here because she's my all-time-valentine even though now she is all maaaaarried and full of baaaaabies and stuff. 

(the flowers from last vd)

I like red and pink and treats and cards and loving one another so I'm alright with VD. 

What shall we do for it? 

Something romantical, I hope. 

I had to cancel my first audition of the year because I have dietary restrictions. Nice, hey? It's a bit hard to be optimistic about booking things when I don't even have any auditions. Soon, though. Right, agent? 

Also, I'm not getting the shifts at work that I used to. Job interview on Monday and I'm applying to a couple more. As much as I'm having a hard time getting behind the idea of more jobs, I do like meeting new friends at jobs... and babes (does that go without saying?). Oh, and money.

Ruth is now on the site, ready to be adopted. Do you want to adopt her? Probably! 

And last night I made RICE PUDDING!! (comfort food season around here)

Guess how much is left?

Zero is left. 

I used this recipe, with alterations:

Creamy Stovetop Rice Pudding

(similar consistency a bit to kozy shack and that sort of thing, but even better served warm. mmmhmmm)

I did: 

1 1/2 cups cooked rice 

2 cups milk, divided

1/2 cup brown sugar

1/4 tsp. salt

1 egg

1/4 cup raisins

1 tbsp. butter

1 tsp. vanilla extract

1 tsp. cinnamon 

In a medium saucepan, combine 1 1/2 cups cooked rice, 1 1/2 cups milk, sugar and salt. Cook over medium heat until thick and creamy, 15 to 20 minutes. Stir in remaining 1/2 cup milk, beaten egg and raisins. Cook 2 minutes more, stirring constantly. Remove from heat, and stir in butter and vanilla. Serve warm. 

I used brown sugar as I was out of white sugar and it seemed  fine, I also added cinnamon, which wasn't in the original recipe... and I used way less raisins then recommended because I like the raisins be little treats as opposed to the main flavour of the pudding. 

I used long grain white rice, as that's what was in the house, but I do think it'd be even creamier with short-grain. Also, I used skim milk (made from powder as I don't ever really buy milk) but it could be awesome with coconut milk or soymilk or whole milk for sure, I think. 

It's a super good pudding because it's creamy and thick, but not hard or chewy. Perfect and super easy!

You're welcome.

I don't know if I even feel like going out tonight. Though I feel like I should feel like it.

one step two step

So I've done the stupidest thing ever and started watching all of Lost. Ughhhh how am I going to do anything else now?
Annoying!
There's so much of it to get through and now I have to constantly avoid spoilers and keep a guard up for people who want to ruin it for me!  Also I shouldn't finish watching it until it's all finished being aired so that I don't have to wait.
My life is so hard.



In other news, I'm trying to dry out a bit this week. Or at least at the beginning of this week... we'll see how that goes. Occasionally I wonder about my bio-dad's side of the family and if there was any tendency towards addiction. No one in my close family is a drinker or a drug user or prescription medication user or gambler or anything really... Well, sugar... and I don't even mean that sarcastically. 
I feel like I should not be trusted to not be addicted to things. So far I've been alright (except candy and television and drinking) mostly and I sort of know my limits. But I specifically don't do (hard) drugs because I wouldn't trust myself not to want to do them all the time. Not kidding at all. Same thing with gambling for sure.

I've been seriously considering cocaine for weight loss... anyone?



I've added wrist-weights to my walks. Well, one day so far. So far, so good. I've been walking so, so much lately. It's kind of fantastic. It feels like nothing anymore. Every walk gets shorter and I can just zone into thinking about so many other things. I get super excited about things while I'm walking, I make big plans and chart out a full television series in my head.. but then when I get home I get wrapped in reading through my google reader and watching online tv. I think I need a limit on my internetting. It's getting out of hand.

Been considering hibernating more, it seems like the best plan this time of year, plus it'd be good to spend less money on pointless things and it'd be good to get stuff done at home. Except I don't get stuff done, I just make lentils and rice, and watch Lost.
But whenever anyone suggests anything social I find it very hard not to want to get on board. I love socializing!



I want to take more photos. I had a dream the other night that I was taking photos and it was very fun. Haha, good dream round-up.

I know that this weather and time of year are always hard but it's hard to keep that in mind and power-though. Who wants to cheer me up?

all I wanted was to be your housewife

I had a dream the other night that I found a new apartment right on Queen West and I could walk out my front door and be right on Queen. This new apartment was more like a motel room, all white walls and a big white bed and white dresser and it didn't have much stuff in it. And it had a closet (I cannot even express how often I dream of having a closet after living without one for 6 years).

And so I happily moved right into this new apartment, forgetting that I would have to give notice on my old place or find someone to move in... then I had the brilliant idea that I would sublet my current bachelor apartment on a weekly or monthly basis in a furnished fashion, sort of like a B&B, for much more than I currently pay for it. And I would hire my friend to clean it for me and my new apartment only cost $400 so I would be making so much money!!! 

Dream-me is so clever. Except I'm pretty sure I'm not allowed to do that, given that I don't own this place and it isn't in my rental agreement.

I constantly have dreams of moving and sometimes the dreams are great and sometimes they are panicky. I love this apartment -- obviously, I've lived here for 6 years -- but it's definitely not forever and it's definitely annoying in some ways (CLOSET. CAN'T I PLEASE HAVE A CLOSET?)

Plus it's small and sloped and there is way too much stuff in here (oh god so much stuff) and I can't start collecting all the things I'm going to need to make my actual home a proper home while living here. Not that I have anywhere else I want to live...

This also still feels a bit like a kid's place. The mini-fridge is especially getting to me (well, now that I broke all the shelves in it) -- I made a batch of vegetable stock to freeze and cut up some vegetables that needed to be used up to freeze all ready to make stuff with and now my tiny freezer is completely full.

Last night I made fudge, then crocheted for awhile (while watching the first season of Lost, what the hell am I getting myself into?), then I cleaned up a bit and I broke my favourite corningware dish and was super upset about it.

Today I'm listening to Cocorosie and eating stew and half-heartedly applying to jobs and mulling things over.

doppelganger week on facebook

So on Facebook (as you may have noticed) everyone seems to be changing their picture to a picture of the celebrity that they most resemble. This is kind of entertaining mostly when it is not true at all. Or when it is so true.

Anyway, I have kind of a funny little elf face that doesn't reallllly look like anyone, so instead of changing my fb picture to one of a celebrity, I will give you this list of people who I've been told I resemble but I don't really but I kind of wish I did (actually, realistically, I don't... who wants to be an actor who looks just like another actor, ya know?) 

Carey Mulligan:
(okay so no one has actually said that I look like her, I'm making this one up because I love her.)

Ellen Page:

(I get this kind of frequently I guess, but I don't think I actually look like her, I just have a similar type of "hit")

Rachel MacAdams:
(ahaha once my agent asked me what sort of look I thought I had or whose career I liked and wanted to be like... I said maybe Rachel McAdams and he was like "but she's very beautiful...."   classic.)

Helena Bonham Carter
(I love her a bit, she has a much pointier face than I do)

Alexis Bledel
(she is not a good actor. no question. but I find her very visually appealing. very. anyone else?)

Whoaa this took way longer than it should have. I did get distracted looking at numerous other things on the internet... but still.

Also, I kind of look like my bff. Okay, not really,

But one time one of her friends told her that the girl from the gum commerical (that's me) reminded her or her... Point Proven.  

 

here are some pictures of my foster cat

haha I like it when she makes angry/annoyed faces at me. Cats are so deadpan/expressionless that any change in face position we have to pretend is some big thing.

Should I have spread these photos out over more entries? Probably. I LOVE CATS.

Lots of fun things happened this weekend and I have some very funny stories for you later and I'm feeling much less depressed about the world and so that's good. I just made some haystacks which turned out quite crumbly but I'm still eating them. And I also just made some (DELICIOUS) stew and am boiling down some vegetable stock to freeze to make my life a bit easier, hopefully. All I want is soup. It smells like heaven in here.

I wish someone would clean up, though. 

 

Dakota tonight... you can come too if you'd like.

naked from the waist...everywhere

I don't know why I watched all of picnicface's videos at some point or another but don't seem to have posted them on here to share. Did I already and I just can't find it in the search? Maaaybe!

Also, who introduced me to these videos? JL and I watched them all the other night and I realized I'd seen a lot of them before. It's weird that I'd forgotten though. Usually I'm unnaturally obsessive about anything/anyone I like and want to know everything about it/them forever. Hmm. 

Watch these videos! They are so funny! 

Yeeeeah.. this one's my favourite maybe. I love the girl in it. Oh, and the guy. Oh, also I love how the guy's moustache is pretty much the same as my hallowe'en moustache. 

Yaaaarg such simple premises so genius though.

Also,

Hahaaaa Ruth Buzzi.

Brunch today at Aunties with Mrs., and I told McGruff  that I have a slight crush on a person that we both know (except I don't even know him at all, really) and then I told him not to say anything (obviously he will forever because he sucks) and then he was like "ohhhhh, meredith, look who's here! That's so crazy we were just talking about him!" and I couldn't see the door and I was like "fuck you, McGruff, don't even" but then luckily it turned out to be another one of our mutual acquaintances and he was just trying to fuck with me. Aww man I turned so red though and everyone was looking at me in the restaurant and I felt very silly. 

That story makes less sense then if you had been there...

Then Mrs. and I were making terrible jokes and I kept squeal-laughing and once again annoying the neighbouring tables. Sorry, guys!!

I had so much coffee.

I'm going out looking for rich husbands tonight! Just kidding, just rich boyfriends to buy me things! Just kidding! 

I have never had a boyfriend who bought me things and I have to say that is is low on my list of priorities. Sense of humour, on the other hand........

Also, I have a crush on every dude right now and it gives me a bit of satisfaction like "all is right with the world once again" 

ohh okay, not really, but it's a fine phase to be in. And I kind of doubt that I'll ever be as interested in drama and ridiculousness as I have been in the past, but it's alright to have fun looking around. mmmhmmmmmmmmm.

Alright, then, I'm going back to taking pictures of myself all day. Only hobby. I probably need to get some more passtimes. Or at least a new face.

art

I hadn't even really been drinking the wine. I just thought it would make a good prop. Compliment to the decolletage, etc.







I wore this outfit two days in a row because I am laaaaaaazy.









It appears to be a blizzard outside. I'll probably still walk. My hips hurt all the time from all the walking. That's alright, though.

upswing

Went out last night late with Dollface and her friend and we drank at Sweaty Betty's and I made eyes at my crush who I see everywhere along dundas/ossington who I have deduced is a big big flirt (always with different girls) and probably an alcoholic since he's out pretty much allll the time (hey pot have you met kettle, etc.) anyway, I still  have a crush on him because he's sort of pretty in a way that I like like probably was a punk at some point or another. He probably doesn't woodwork at all, so it doesn't even matter.

ANYWAY.

The way that Dollface was sitting cast this shadow of her face on the wall that I was facing sort of and it made me laugh very very hard. This is not an accurate representation of her profile or her face so it's okay for us to laugh. Right???



I'm feeling a bit better today/yesterday. Yay! Keeping fit and having fun. Also dressing up kind of fancy makes me feel better. or at least prettier. Pictures I took of that coming soon!



You know who likes my new(ish) glasses? Babes.
I know, it surprised me, too!
But frequently at work man-customers comment on them. Not ever ladies though. Interesting.
Also, I know from experience that there are definitely men who prefer librarian types... Niche appeal!

I don't really feel like I have a type since there are too many kinds of babes in the sea and frequently I find that the reason I find someone really appealing is very unique to them and that's why it's the best.
I will say that I have a ridiculous weakness for generous laughlines around the eyes... sigh....

she's oooooooooooooookay, I guess, if you like cousins. which I don't.

since it's only the end of the day when you go to bed (RIGHT?), I thought I would take the opportunity which is my favourite cousin's birthday to tell you why I like her.

1. She's my closest cousin (therefore I can say she's my favourite all I like because all the other cousins have better things to worry about)

2. She's very smart (I would be that she's smarter than you. No but really.)

3. She has stupid-cute offspring. Ughhh why does everyone get to have babies and I don't?

4. When I was little she would sleep over sometimes (oh yeah, she's 7 years my senior so I always looked up to her in a big big big way) and she taught me how to change without ever getting fully naked. Useful Skills (for gym class in 9th grade)

5. She's the reason I'm vegetarian (just kidding, it's JTT's fault for sure, but she's also to blame as I joined her bandwagon when she decided to go veg... I believe hers lasted about a month and mine is going on 13 years... you have beef (aaaaaaaahahah) with my vegetarianism and slight combativeness surrounding such issues, talk to my cousin!



6. She thinks I'm really funny. Now, of course, I think she's very funny as well, but I do appreciate that she fully appreciates my sense of humour and goes with it. I'm not that easy to understand sometimes and also she could have chosen to see me as her annoying little cousin forever more, and instead she seems to have realized how SPECTACULAR I am. Good work, team.

7. The world of ZIGN (how would you even spell that, cuz?) -- we played forever in my backyard and in the magical world that she made up that we got to by swinging a special swinging way on my jungle gym in the backyard (I can't tell you exactly cause I don't want you to go to there) and we were the princesses there! BEING THE PRINCESSES IS THE BEST.
Also, good work cousin on not making yourself the queen and me a lowly princess cousin sort. You are great.

8. We both don't have dads. Growing up for awhile there it was the five of us - mum, me, cousin, aunt and other aunt. FIVE BEST FRIENDS WHO LOVE EACH OTHER MORE THAN ANYTHING.
And to be honest, it's still a bit like that (I'm the luckiest girl) just with more people involved and a bit more distance and such.
But my cousin and I were both kids of single mums and smart and with big imaginations and the ability to play by ourselves and not rely on everyone for everything. Kinda makes sense.

9. When she babysat me she let me talk on the phone with her boyfriends. She did spend the entire time on the phone so it was only fair. Haha, no but she always had so many boyfriends!!

10. I taught her how to drive a bit at the gravel pit (holy shit son I miss going to the gravel pit with my family so fun like sliding down the gravel hills and climbing up and collecting the best tiny stones and making up stories, you don't even know. sometimes I fully forget how fucking great my whole family is. okay, not really, but sometimes I forget some of the specifics.) and she didn't know at all and wasn't a pain about it at all and we drove round and round. So fun.

11. She loved the Micra almost as much (more?) as I did. If only her bf hadn't totaled it!!!  just kidding still like him I guess. Christ, I loved that Micra, it was my first car, so tiny and compact and made of freedom and speed and mostly freeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeedome. Anyway, she understood that as well. She really did.

12. She's still the kind of person I look up to but also allows me to become a person that she'll admire in some ways too, I think.  She has let me become her peer in a really lovely way and I loved having her come hang with me in Toronto and yeah.....    you know.

13. This isn't really one, but one year a freight train overturned right beside our land (we own land by a lake that is also along a railroad track) and we played on the overturned cars and climbed on them and looked inside and I remember loving my cousin so much at that point, and her being such a moody teenager... haaa so lovely, ya know?

(there we are sitting on top of one of them, she's slightly apart from brother and I... perfect.)


Okay that's enough for now. There's a trillion more but now I'm crying and I don't feel like crying I feel like going to bed and it's very late! and so that's enough. Haaaaaaa, ridiculous.

Love you forevers, obviously, gosh.