I would say it's possible that I'll spend my summer in mostly only linen and lace. Because why not.
For some reason these days, more than ever before, I'm hyper-aware of everything that I don't know. Everything that I have no sense or knowledge of seems to stretch out around me and I feel ridiculously silly for never having noticed this before.
Is this because I don't really read books anymore? I think it's mostly because my interests and hobbies mostly revolve around drinking and looking at babes. Fine hobbies, for sure, but I keep being overwhelmed by how much I still have to learn.
I'm only now getting a sense of just how much more I learn every year, every month that I'm alive. I hope I live to be 120 so that I can know so much more about everything.
(Although, to be fair, I really don't believe that the earth as we know it will last another 90 some years the way we're using it. I just don't.)
Big ups and big downs these days, guys.
I'm travelling out of Canada (for the first time ever!) at the end of June. White Panther Girlfriend got in to the Del Close Marathon in NYC so we'll be doing some improv on a Sunday morning and probably having the best time of our lives so far.
NEW YORK CITY, GUYS.
I've always said that I'm not that interested in travelling, but you must know that's just because I was always afraid to say that I want to.
It's just always being broke and also having a lack of self-confidence.
Saying things like "I want to go to Europe" seems silly and I feel like it'd be met with,
"With what money? Why should you get to go?"
I did always just figure that later in my life I'd have money/time/opportunity to travel and there was no point hurrying into it. Now I'm starting to feel a bit like time moves quicker than I'd ever imagined and I'll never get to do everything I want to do.
Also, I do travel a lot, I travel back to Saskatoon all the time. And I travel to cottages in the summer.
These days I have a lot of things I'd like to say about relationships but I'm always still formulating thoughts, and I'm always going back and forth on what the internet needs to know about everything. It's important to me that I write what I like, but that I take good care of myself and of the people in my life.
I know I've said it before, and maybe it's clear in the way I go about things, but I'm just not convinced I want to be in a relationship.
Maybe just not currently?
When I'm involved with people I'm actually very nice and a good person to be involved with, and I'm happy enough and get really interested in how I think relationships could go and the exciting bits of being partnered up with someone. But it's not always my favourite place to be. I feel most comfortable on my own. Like a sigh of relief when I don't have anyone to be accountable to, can do whatever I want whenever I want, forever.
A brat I was involved with recently-ish said while we were ending things, "I'd like to believe that at some point I would be selfless enough to be in a relationship, that I could prioritize someone else's needs above my own, but it's not now"
I'm sort of like that, too, I guess. Except I try to be kinder about it (doesn't always work out).
I think the thing that puzzles me about my lack of interest in anything long-term and strong-standing is how I'm still very much interested in men and in romance (less so these days, but still).
Maybe it's just getting high on the possibilities. I do like the idea of having a husband sometime (or especially the idea of having a ring and dress and a party...)
I like the idea of having a best friend forever to build a life with, I just don't have any belief that'll happen for me.
We'll see, I suppose.
Also, you're welcome for all the ridiculous pictures of me to accentuate how nuts I am while writing this entry. nice.
Oh, aaaand, I put a whole cup of tea onto my computer and my old computer isn't loading any web pages at all, so this entry is brought to you by the magic of iPhone.
Please, lord, let me keep my iPhone safe, and please lord, let my macbook pro revive from the dead!
(ughughughh I just bought that I don't have time/money for this. Sigh sigh sighhghhhhhgughughh.)
--- meredith r. mistletoe at 1:01:00 PM